01-25-2003 - 3:46 p.m.
When I was 16 years old, a gorgeous young man with the voice of an angel stole my heart and earned my undying love and devotion. 6 years later, our mutual love is greater than ever. But, long before Justin Timberlake, I loved another man. (I'm sorry Justin, we weren't yet acquainted!) He too was a talented singer, a member of the group that paved the way for 'N Sync... Jordan Knight.
Yes, Jordan Knight of New Kids on the Block. Come on, you can try to deny it but we all know you had the posters on your bedroom wall and the big ass button on your denim jacket. If you loved New Kids, you most likely had a crush on Jordan (unless you were a Joey lover). And though he has aged a bit and gotten a little fat, I'm not ashamed to say my crush remains after all these years (Justin, don't worry, you're still number 1).
Friday night I went up to Seaside to see the one and only Jordan Knight live in concert! Many people laughed at me when I said I was going to the show, but I can honestly say it was well worth it. Though I still think he's cute, I have to go on record as saying Jordan, GIVE IT UP!!! Yes, Jordan Knight's days as a singing sensation are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over, although I will purchase the NKOTB remix album when it drops February 24th. It really was a blast though, seeing one of your childhood idols desperately trying to recapture the fame and glory he had when he was 18 years old.
When Jordan took the stage it was obvious that he no longer does that "Right Stuff" side to side dance step to keep his thighs in shape. Boyfriend was a little bit of a chubster. Still do-able, but definitely some padding going on there. The second thing to strike me about JK was the fact that he cannot dance at all. What made this even more amusing was the fact that they made a big deal about his choreographer Darrin Henson (of "Darrin's Dance Grooves" fame) being there with him. If you can't dance, I wouldn't publicize the fact that you have a kick ass choreographer that can't even make you look good. (More on Darrin in a little while!)
The third thing that was amusing about Jordan's performance was that without his backup singer he wouldn't have had a show. This guy did everything from singing with Jordan on every song, to talking to the crowd between songs (Jordan never addressed the crowd himself), to rapping on one of the songs (which he really shouldn't be doing, mind you) to doing the aforementioned "Right Stuff" side to side dance move (Jordan himself did not partake). And speaking of this song, Jordan did't actually sing at all when they performed "The Right Stuff"! The backup singer and the crowd did ALL the singing while Jordan played the keyboard. Can we say lame?
And about that keyboard playing... it was atrocious! As Melinda put it "Wow, those 3 keyboard lessons really payed off!" He sat down at the keyboard after like 2 songs and never really got up again until the very end. I guess his fat ass can only handle so many dance numbers, or maybe that was the best thing Darrin could find for Jordan to do to make him look good on the stage.
Surprisingly enough, Jordan actually embraces his New Kids past. I suppose he realizes that it's really all he's got going for him. We had been really curious to see what he was going to sing (since we'd only heard of one solo song, "Give It to You") but the set was pretty much packed with New Kids favorites- "Please Don't Go Girl", "The Right Stuff", "Hanging Tough", "Step by Step", "This One's for the Children", "I'll be Loving You Forever", and "Didn't I Blow Your Mind this Time". Sadly enough, I was able to sing along to every one of them. But at least I wasn't one of the select few who knew all the lyrics to every solo song he did- I just joined in on "Give It to You", aka the song I didn't realize was about sex because apparently when I was in high school I was super innocent. I was actually really shocked to realize last week that this song is dirty!
Now, let's discuss the Jordan Knight clothing line. Most people come out with their own clothing line while at the height of their popularity (e.g. Jay-Z, Jennifer Lopez, Eve, Eminem and sometime in the near future, Beyonce!). But I guess Jordan doesn't have very good advisors, because he's coming out with a clothing line NOW when no one gives a fuck about him. I'm just curious to know if the line will include acid washed jeans and Hyper-Color.
Anyways, as a bit of a clothing line preview, Jordan had a merchandise table set up where you could purchase black Jordan Knight thongs. Yes, thongs. Plain black g-strings with the letters "JK" embroidered on the triangle of fabric that lies just above the ass crack. I of course had to check them out, and when the merchandise guy asked if he could help me, I was just like This is the funniest thing I've ever seen! Why the hell does Jordan Knight sell thongs??? He was so stunned by my honesty that he couldn't really answer the question.
At a table next to the Thong Seller, was another table manned by none other than Darrin Henson himself. Ever since my sister bought me "Darrin's Dance Grooves" for my 21st birthday, I've been a fan of Darrin. He does some really good choreography. The only thing is, the tape is really hard to follow. So, I just bust up to Darrin and I'm like Hey, I just wanted to tell you that your tape is fucking hard! Darrin just started cracking up at me. So then I had to explain how of all the routines I had only mastered the Britney one, but nevertheless I admire his work. He thanked me for the compliment and shook my hand. Meeting Darrin turned out to be way cooler than seeing Jordan Knight perform. Although seeing Jordan Knight perform was one of the funniest things ever.
Last night I had my first of hopefully many misadventures as a DJ. I wanted to get another job for several reasons- to buy designer handbags, to pay for grad school, to save up for a condo, and most importantly to give me something to occupy more of my time and hopefully stave off the severe depression that I feel inevitably inflicts anyone that lives in crap ass South Jersey. I didn't want to waitress, and a teacher from my high school who is a DJ was looking to hire someone, so I just kind of fell into it. Now, I'm not training to be like a DJ Clue type of DJ. I'll eventually do private parties and hopefully this summer get a spot in a bar around here. So, if you're getting bar mitzvah'd or having a retirement party anytime soon, I'm your lady ;-)
Last night I just tagged along to this party he was doing to see what it's all about. It's definitely the perfect job for me. Every song you could possibly want is at your fingertips, you get to pick out what to play (besides requests) and it provides hours of the most amazing people watching ever. Last night it was drunk EMT's on their one night a year when they are not on call. These people were so stupid! Not to mention the fact that they were total rednecks asking for all this country shit and belting it out at the top of their lungs! But perhaps the most amusing sight of the night was this girl I went to high school with giving lap dances to EVERY man at the party. It was also amazing to see this one guy dance without moving his upper body at all (it's something I must demonstrate for you in person sometime). And when "Friends in Low Places" came on it was just this nightmarish throng of people belting it out like no other! The people at this party were so fucking weird/ridiculous that at one point the DJ guy was just like Nicole, we HAVE to drink and he went and got us some beers. Alcohol was seriously the only way we could handle these hicks.
Needless to say, this weekend was very strange, yet strangely amusing. But then again, what isn't with me???
And since this weekend seemed to be sprinkled with many memorable quotes, here's a few for your amusement:
Are those guys twins? Or are they just equally ugly? ~Melinda, commenting on the singer and guitarist of this band, both of whom had outrageously long and frizzy black curly hair.
To be fat AND have no moves- that's just a horrible combination! ~Jana, commenting on fat bad dancers.
Maybe you should try something a little less drastic than breast implants. Why don't you... get highlights? ~Dr. Jane providing me with her wisdom.
Can you play some like hip-hop country shit? ~Extremely wasted woman at the EMT party. We still don't know what "hip-hop country shit" is, but to her it made perfect sense!
