01-31-2004 - 10:48 p.m.
Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. It's one of those things in life that I'm pretty torn about. I mean, what other holiday can you absolutely love or absolutely hate solely depending on whether you're with someone or not? Not surprisingly, I generally hate the day. Until the other day though, I had completely forgotten that just a couple years ago I actually had a quite enjoyable V-Day. It was a perfectly balanced celebration- I had a sweet guy who gave me a little present and all, and then I went out to dinner with Jane and Kellie! I had the best of both worlds, a guy to make me feel special, and wonderful girlfriends to go out and feel fabulous with. The funny thing is, when I was thinking back on all my Valentine's Days in college, I only remembered the part about always hanging out with friends. Amazingly enough I had completely forgotten that this guy had even existed... I guess over time we just block out things that we'd rather not admit happened. Of course though, I keep a trusty online diary where my whole life is permanently recorded, which is how I came to remember having a Valentine that year at all. Sometimes I wonder why I even still write in here, but it is nice to be able to look back and remember from time to time.
***
I'm officially The Dumbest Person on Earth. In fact, the Morons of America Association is giving me a Lifetime Achievement Award later on this year. Today I was looking for this Border's gift card that one of my students had given me for the holidays. And I stumble across the card I got from my Aunt and Uncle for Christmas... which contains an American Express Gift Check. So, I'm like cool, I forgot I had this! And then I'm like hmmmm... Christmas money... I have no recollection of ever spending and/or depositing any of it.... So, I do a little more searching through shopping bags and through the pages of a book I got for Christmas (at the time my genius self obviously thought that'd be a good place to put some monetary gifts, a place where I wouldn't forget about them) and suddenly it's like cha ching!. It was Christmas all over again. I suddenly have money I totally didn't realize I had. It's just really amazing that I'm such a moron as to forget about checks and money people gave me. I really don't think normal people forget about gifts they recieve.
***
Last night Katie the Style Stealer royally pissed me off. We made plans to go out to this little club- something different from sitting at the same damn bar all the time. So, we make plans that I'll pick her up at 10:30. I get all showered, do my makeup and style my hair. I head out about 10:20, planning on stopping for gas and then actually being on time for once. Yes, on time. I was super proud of myself for accomplishing this. So, on my way to the gas station I call her up... no answer. I wait a few minutes and call her again... this time a very groggy Katie answers the phone and she's just like Oh, I fell asleep. So, I'm like well, what do you want to do? And she says...
I think I'll just go back to sleep.
Click.
What???? WHAT??? I just spent all that time getting ready for nothing??? For Christ's sake, I had even used a flat iron on my hair!!! What a freaking waste of a makeup application! I can't even say I was pissed because that word does no justice to the emotion I was feeling. And to top it off, she didn't even call me today. I'm sorry, but I think the courteous thing in this situation would be to call and apologize for breaking plans at literally the last minute. What a crock of shit!
***
This week a coworker's father slipped on a patch of ice and tragically passed away from head trauma. It was the most shocking news any of us had ever heard... I mean, you get a little bit of snow and suddenly that's it for you? I can't stop thinking about the whole situation and how the family must feel right now. It's just so terrible and so unexpected. Between that and then going to dinner with my Grandpop last night, I've been thinking alot about how awful it must feel to be a widow or widower. Can you imagine having to miss someone with whom you spent every waking (and sleeping) moment for the past 30, 40, 50 years??? I look at myself and how I painfully miss people with whom I only shared a brief connection. How much must it hurt when the person you're missing was literally your other half? I can't even fathom the pain. And honestly, I don't want to. I'm not sure my weak heart could handle it.
