02-23-2004 - 8:15 p.m.
I'm suddenly beginning to realize just how naive I really am.
So last night an unexpected discovery made me realize that it is completely 100% my own damn fault that I am single. And the #1 factor contributing to this never ending aloneness???
I'm not a ho.
Yes, I will publicly admit it. I'm not a slut. And this is totally what's holding me back. I truly believe that because I don't fuck by the second date and/or second time hooking up guys drop me because they think I'm totally worthless. I'm so naive that I (up until yesterday) truly believed that it was possible to really get to know a guy and form a deep bond that paved the way for something meaningful before having sex. But it's just not the case. Guys don't give a shit about meaning... they just need to get off ASAP.
Now, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not condemning anyone, nor am I trying to make you see things my way. Sleep with every guy you talk to for all I care (as long as you're being safe, kids) because honestly it's none of my business. And if you look at things from my oh-so-innocent perspective then fine. I guess for me it's just really hard to separate the emotional from the physical. Alot of times (but certainly not all) I make an emotional investment when I'm physical with a guy. And if you threw full blown sex into that equation- dear Lord I'd be a total basketcase after he left (cause they all eventually do). But now I'm thinking- maybe he wouldn't leave if I just threw away my old ideals and adopted a new mantra- Fuck Now, Acquaint Later. It seems like ho-ing it up is my only option.
Which makes me wonder if Nick Lachey is some kind of robot or something. He freaking married Jessica Simpson before she'd have sex with him, and to top it off he didn't mind that the whole world knew about it! Obviously she didn't fuck by the second date, and he actually stuck around! If more guys where that respectful, I wouldn't be caught in this should-I-become-a-slut dilemma.
In other news, Jim Breuer is the official new spokesman for the Why You Shouldn't Do Drugs Once You're Out of College campaign. Jane and I went to see his stand-up show on Saturday night and while he was freaking hilarious, it was almost kind of sad how fucked up his brain is. Pretty much every joke he told had something to do with smoking up, and while we definitely laughed our asses off we thought it was kind of weird that this 40 year old man who's married with two children smokes up like he's auditioning for a Cheech and Chong remake. At the risk of sounding like a snob, pot was something that seemed cool when I was like a freshman and sophomore in college. Now it just seems mad lame. And it's just so ridiculously off the charts lame when you're married with children. Again though, I have to admit that I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. I think part of his being so funny is the fact that he really is that fucked up in the head- perhaps the drug thing works for him after all.
And just a little rant about my family for a minute. In this house, everything that happens to you is in some way your own damn fault. Even if to the outside world it seems like something you could not have possibly prevented, my parents somehow see it as being a direct result of your own laziness and/or carelessness. Case in point- on Sunday when I went to leave Jane's house I discovered that some little brats had viciously attacked it with eggs. So I had a kind of "shit happens" attitude about it, because honestly what could I do about it at that point? Well, I stopped at a car wash but apparently freaking egg is stubborn as hell to get off a car!
So when I got home I had to do a little extra cleaning to scrape some off. But anyways, my Mom comes up to me and in this totally accusatory tone is like How did you manage to get your car egged? I was just like what the fuck? I parked on a street in an upscale residential neighborhood! So I was like Oh, you know me, I totally provoked the neighborhood kids!, and my Mom got so freaking pissed at me for being a smartass. But seriously, what was I supposed to say???
The Fresh Prince was so right... parents just don't understand.
