04-02-2004 - 4:43 p.m.
First off, I must comment on the most recent internet search that led someone to read my diary. On MSN they looked up "indian boy fucking indian girl" and this diary was one of the first sites to come up! What the fuck? I definitely never wrote about that. Also, why the hell is someone looking that up???
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Wednesday night... Britney! Live! In concert!!! (Lip) singing her heart out!!! One word... AMAZING!!!
Now, before ya'll start going "Her? Amazing? Are you deaf?" let me explain something to you. A Britney Spears show is not a concert. It's an experience. You're not there to hear her hit the high note... you're there to be transported into this ultra fabulous pop star realm. Her show is just one spectacle after another. Between the costumes, the lighting, the effects and the kick ass dancers there's no way you can ever be disappointed by Miss Brit. I also have to give mad props for her own dancing skills. Usually the dancers do most of the moves, and the star joins in a little here and there. But Britney pretty much keeps up with them the whole time. She is truly an incredible dancer. So really, I can't blame her for lip synching because she's totally dancing her ass off the entire time.
Of course, the night couldn't go off without some hardcore raunchiness. For about 2/3 of the show everything seemed normal. She was dressed sexy, at times doing some moves that were sexy, but nothing that was shocking or unexpected. Then... they wheeled out the beds. For "Touch of My Hand" (Britney's ode to pleasuring yourself) there were dancers rolling around getting down and dirty with themselves. As for Britney, she was dressed in what was pretty much nude pantyhose for your whole body with some rhinestones glued on. She too was having some fun with herself in a bubble chair. Then, she made a quick change into a bra, panties, fishnet thigh highs, and heels for "Breathe On Me". Instead of rolling around with herself for this number, she hopped on the bed with one of the male dancers and initiated some softcore porn action. (Jane's reaction: "How does he not have a hard on?") Then the two of them started making out (literally) and the whole time I'm sitting there thinking "Is this the Spice channel???" At one point, the two ladies in front of us with their little daughters had to leave because it was so X rated. But honsestly, what morons bring 6 year olds to Britney Spears anyways?
Funny story about Britney's piano playing skills (or perhaps lack thereof). In both shows I've seen her in, when she slows it down for a ballad (which is only like once or twice the whole night) she actually sings live for real. So, she comes out to sing one of my favorite Britney songs "Everytime". And she sits down at a piano. (The main music in the song is a piano.) So, she starts "playing" and she's all looking down at the keys and shit so we're like "oh, she actually plays an instrument!" Of course, her singing was not all that fabulous, and the "echo effect" microphone she used to make her sound better really didn't work too much magic. But who cares? Still a lovely song. Well, she's playing and singing... and about a quarter of the way through the song, she gets up from the piano, and walks away with the microphone. And... miraculously there's still piano music playing!?!?! I was just like um... if you're gonna pretend you play the piano, don't get up and walk away! She totally had me going up till that point! (Jane's reaction: "You mean you've been quoting Britney this whole time? I thought you were quoting some profound musician!")
I must mention that I was extremely pleased that she did her "Jamaican" song from her new album called "The Hook Up". Such a cheesey, yet fabulous song. To add to the Jamaican flavor, she even had the red, green, and yellow lighting effects in the background.
The mystery of the evening was the "MC" guy. The theme of the tour was the Onyx Hotel, so they had a lobby setup, a lounge setup, a bedroom setup and so forth. You'd think the MC would be some sort of concierge or bellhop or something. But no. It was this scary circus ringmaster on acid. I swear, the guy was fat and creepy and dressed in this awful purple suit and he had this scary voice. At one point he did this whole scene where he pretended to be drunk. Just WEIRD.
Finally, I must comment on the PIMP side of Britney. Her encore was "Me Against the Music" for which she wore the most pimpette outfit ever. It was a red pantsuit with matching red pimp hat. So hot. But something only Britney could pull off. I mean, the rest of us would just look like a gigantic red blob.
Opening acts: Kelis and Skye Sweetnam. Kelis = cool, not the slut I expected. Skye = so awful, a cross between Avril Lavigne and a young Alanis Morrisette, so terrible she made Avril look like a musical genius.
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Yesterday I didn't work and I got my religious fill for pretty much the entire year. It was my cousin's Confirmation, and me being the upstanding holy citizen I am, acted as her "sponsor". The whole scene was just totally bizarre. What made it even stranger was that I went through the same thing back in the day, yet I totally don't recall it being so freaking weird.
First off, the bishop had so many qualities that likened him to a pimp. (I know, I know, I'm going to hell.)
1. He has a huge gold cane.
2. He rolls with a posse. We're talking like 10 deep.
3. The posse does everything for him. The man does not have to lift a finger.
4. If he does lift a finger, it's to direct huge congregations to either sit, stand, or kneel. With a flick of his wrist, he could instantaneously cause 500 people to drop to their knees, heads bowed.
5. He wears a signature hat. And there's a posse member who alternately holds it and places it on his head when necesary.
The real kicker is, everyone addresses him as "Your Excellency". I was just like What the fuck?!?!?!?, although in my head I edited out the "fuck" because I was in church. I must've heard that title 100 times yesterday! I totally didn't know that's what he was called! And then during the procession out of church, people were reaching into the aisle trying to shake his hand or to have him bless their child. It was just totally bizarro.
Religion can be weird sometimes.
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Back to the Britney Experience for a moment. Last week we discussed how fans at hip hop concerts get decked out. But at rock or pop shows, the fans dress one of two ways- either like trash, or like the star! Seriously though, whats up with the phenomenon of dressing like the person you're going to see? There were so many Britney wannabes there the other night it was out of control. First off, they were all naked. Secondly, all the naked people weren't even old enough to see an R rated movie! The worst by far were these two 15 or 16 year old blonde twins. They had on hot pink mini skirts that were up their asses and these black tops that were basically a bra, with maybe an extra inch or two of material. I was like, do you not have parents? Or are they legally blind??? I don't get it. Not to mention the fact that they didn't get the memo that dressing identical after age 9 is so NOT cool.
Um, did I mention that next week I only work 3 and a half days? And that in 10 days I board a plane for MEXICO??? Yeah, just thought I'd remind you ;o)
