08-15-2004 - 7:57 p.m.
Karma is a bitch, let me tell ya.
Readers that have followed my smackass lifestyle for a while now may recall my final semester of college when I did a bit of student teaching with the co-op from hell. This girl seriously made my life miserable. Absolutely fucking miserable. I looked back at my diary from that time period and found a wonderful entry entitled "Ode to my Cooperating Teacher". Here's just a slight sample for those who have forgotten the misery this woman inflicted upon my life:
Please begin to realize that I don't care to hear about your $90,000 of debt (including per item breakdown), nor the people that do your taxes and send you a Christmas card every year (Yay Tax Master!), nor the fact that when you write a paper you begin with the body, move to the conclusion, and then go back and write the introduction. For this information is not only stupid, useless, and boring, but it also makes me what to scratch out my own eyeballs just to have something to shove down your throat.
Dear, wise, cooperating teacher, please look up the word "silence" in the dictionary, and bless me with at least 5 seconds of it one of these days. And do realize that your sore throat is not because you talk alot from teaching, but from the fact that you talk alot to everyone and no one, and about anything and nothing all at one time. I promise to submit your name to the Guinness Book of World Records for "Person Who Talked the Longest Without Shutting the Fuck Up for 1 Goddamn Second".
If you haven't already guessed, me and this woman did not get along, and the semester ended with me just totally flipping the shit one day in her office and letting out months worth of pent up frustration in an all out bitch fest. So why, dear friends, is karma a bitch?
I taught with this woman at a school that's 2 hours away from where I currently live. She lived in a town that's about 2 and a half hours away from where I live. Needless to say, when I peaced out on my final day, I just assumed that I'd never see, speak to, or (thank God) hear her voice ever again in my entire life.
And then, the letter came.
The letter about our first day back to school in September.
The letter outlining the agenda for the first few days of school.
The letter welcoming aboard our brand new staff members.
And yes, the letter welcoming aboard my horrid co-op as one of my new colleagues.
WHAT??? THE???? FUCK??????
Can you believe this shit? Jane's right- this would only happen to me.
Dear Lord, I'm gonna need some divine strength, not to mention a nice stash of prescription pills, to get me through this school year.
***
On a lighter and much brighter note, I had a wonderful evening out with Jane last night. One that I have now deemed to be "life altering" just because it involved so many elements that surprised the hell out of both of us.
First off, we didn't get bored. The two queens of ADD did not once bitch about bad music, lack of ample dancing space, and/or lack of cool people to talk to. We had an awesome night that was bitch free AND drama free- neither one of us did or said anything stupid. That's right, no one got yelled at.
Secondly, we got totally bombed and somehow did an amazing recovery this morning despite only sleeping a few hours. We were completely energized and ambitious despite the disgusting amounts of hard liquor we consumed.
Finally, the night gave birth to a wonderful concept that we'd both been dreaming of for so long but hadn't yet vocalized- the Part Time Boyfriend. And so, I present for everyone's approval, the...
Part Time Boyfriend Plan
A part time boyfriend is the perfect relationship setup for a young, successful and busy girl who seeks both commitment and independance. The relationship works under the following conditions:
1. You are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, therefore there is no hooking up with other people- that my friends, would be considered cheating. Don't let the "part time" moniker fool you into thinking otherwise.
2. It is understood by both parties that you will NOT under ANY circumstances be up each others' respective asses at any given time. This means there is no hanging out with one another 7 days a week- shit, there might even be a day or two where there just isn't enough time to even talk on the phone. Hanging out will probably occur 3 to 4 times a week, which is completely healthy and will probably lead to a longer relationship because you won't be freaking sick of one another.
3. Both the boyfriend and the girlfriend will have a life outside of the relationship. This includes, but is not limited to, hanging out with other friends, school or work, maintaining a relationship with family, etc. etc. This does NOT include hooking up with other people (for further clarification see condition #1).
According to mine and Jane's calculations, the Part Time Boyfriend plan would work out splendidly if the boy actually goes along with the "I won't cheat even thought I'm not being babysat 24/7" part of the deal. Both of us totally want relationships, but we realize that because of working full time, being part time grad students, and actually having friends, we just can't commit our whole lives to one person. Not to mention the fact that at the age of 23 we shouldn't be commiting our entire lives to one person. (That's 10 years in the future.) Sure, if things are meant to be and the two of you are compatible eventually the Part Time BF will probably become Full Time, perhaps even with a few overtime hours. Which is totally okay, if the process happens naturally over time.
So... any Part Time takers out there?
