08-22-2004 - 10:38 p.m.
Thank the Dear Lord that I finally realized that my boy is so NOT for me.
Yes, he's hilarious and cute and sweet when he's drunk but once there's not alcohol running through his body, he's about as much fun as indoor recess. And I've totally known this since I first hooked up with him in April!!! Girls are just so stupid and insecure that they'll hold onto something because they think they'll never do better. But I now realize that my positivity and happiness are totally wasted on him! I swear, everytime I see or talk to him when we're not at a bar I'm always smiling and chipper, mainly because I'm so damn excited to see/talk to him. And his response to my good mood? Generally a tirade about how something sucks, or how tired he is accompanied by a very pissy face. But anyways, I've finally gotten through my thick head that I at the very least deserve a guy who shares my enthusiasm for life and doesn't make me feel like a child being scolded by their father every time we speak.
So... this train is officially moving ON.
I do, however, have to clarify that this in no way gaurantees that I'll never hook up with him again... a drunken invite is always a possibility. The major breakthrough is that I don't care anymore. I used to always be like "Is he gonna call me??? Why hasn't he called me??? Oh I can't wait to go to work so I can see him!!!" But on Thursday morning when he dropped me off at my house I was like "Thanks for the ride, see ya later!" and the second I slammed the car door shut I knew things were different. When I said "see ya" I literally meant that I'd see him whenever I saw him, and it didn't make a difference to me how soon or not soon that was. And really, that's huge for me. He's no longer weighing down my mind.
What is weighing down my mind? The fact that my summer vacay is only on for 9 more days!!! This is so sad! I'm doing some major beaching this week, not to mention bar hopping. I'm officially getting my summer on at double speed!
