02-18-2005 - 9:35 a.m.
It turns out that for the past 23 years I've been wandering around this planet going about things in totally the wrong fashion.
I'm what many people would deem a "pushover". Pretty much anyone can intimidate me without even trying. And for some reason I've been thinking that I never get what I want just because of bad luck or bad timing or some other "bad" thing that's out of my control. But this week I learned a great life lesson. Everyone can get exactly what they want.
You just have to be a bitch.
I was seriously too naive to realize that people respond more efficiently to a bitchface personality as opposed to a nice one. This epiphany began when I tried buying my new car and decided to play hardball with the sales manager. I basically said this is what I want for my trade, this is how much I'll pay for the car, tell me yes or no. And I refused to budge even one cent. My salesman (in between asking me to dinner) called me a "very difficult customer". And what was the end result? I got every single condition I asked for plus an additional $500 taken off my suggested price of the car.
So, this week I ran into trouble with my 5 day old car- the turn signals didn't work. I called the service department on Monday and they said to come in on Friday. So I called my salesman, busted out my newfound bitchface attitude and got my appointment bumped up to that very afternoon. Bitch Nicole- 1 Dealership- 0
I got there after work, a kid who looked no more than 15 played around with the car for 10 minutes and they told me they couldn't fix anything. I left totally defeated. Bitch Nicole- 1 Dealership- 1
Monday night after class I find myself driving around in the dark and the rain with no turn signals, so I call my salesman and give him hell. He insists I come right after work on Tuesday. And that's when the real fun began.
I go after work the next day and another guy looks at my car. This time he sees the problem and tells me it's fixable- only they have to order the part, wait for it to come, and then maybe I can come back on Friday to get it put in. That was the point where I officially changed from "Bitch Nicole" to "Satan's Daughter".
I ask to speak to someone in charge and am blessed by the presence of the service manager, one of the few people I haven't previously bitched out at this dealership. I give him hell and his response is pretty much "well, we'll fix it for you when you come back, have a good day." So at this point I'm a little defeated. Bitch Nicole- 1 Dealership- 2
So I storm over to sales. My salesman sees me coming, runs over to greet me and proceeds to get his ass handed to him right there in the showroom. I'm honestly not someone who yells, but on Tuesday afternoon at the Nissan dealer I was definitely possessed by some kind of banshee woman. And the funniest part was, timid little me, the least intimidating person on the planet, has this 250 pound Puerto Rican Don Juan totally stumbling over his words. At this point, every single person in the showroom and offices is completely aware that there is an irate customer who wants to get her Mazda back because the car she was sold is a piece of crap. So now I'm coming from behind. Banshee Woman Nicole- 2 Dealership- 2
The sales manager, aroused by the ruckus in the showroom, ushers me into his office to find out what's going on. So now the banshee woman turns on him. He actually tried to take me on for a minute or two, but quickly realized that I was not about to shut up until every single person in that dealership was kissing my ass. I insisted that I would not take the car home until it was functioning properly and that I wanted a rental car. He insisted that he couldn't be expected to get me a rental for 3 days. I went on a tirade about getting into an accident because no one knows I'm turning. He picked up the phone and called Enterprise Car Rental. Evil Satan Nicole- 3 Dealership-2
Then he starts asking me about my experience at the dealership. I give him an earful about how they have absolutely no customer service skills and how dissappointed I've been throughout the whold process. So he starts telling me about this survey I'm going to have to fill out about my car buying experience and how they really need to get all "excellent" ratings in every category because I don't think corporate headquarters is too pleased with how they've been doing lately. At this point, he's pretty much begging me to send them back a nice survey. This man is totally my bitch. Miss Bitch of the Universe- 4 Dealership- 2
At this point I'm still furious that in total I will have come to the dealership 3 times in one week to fix a problem on a brand new car. And this man is so desperate for a good customer service rating. Suddenly, a teeny tiny light bulb clicks on in his teeny tiny brain and he makes a call over to the service department. Then he tells me that instead of waiting for the part and fixing my car on Friday, they're going to break down one of the brand new Xterra's on their lot, take the part from that car and put it in mine, and then fix their own car on Friday when the part arrives. This way, I only have to drive a rental for one day and have my own car back the very next afternoon. All I can say is sweeeeeeet. And it's kinda funny that they'll have to now do the same job twice. I-Rule-the-World Bitchface Nicole- 5 Dealership- 2
In the end, the Enterprise people came to pick me up and bring me to the rental place. As we were about to pull away, the service manager who had previously dismissed me came running out to assure me that they would have my car for me in 24 hours. So now not one, but two managers are kissing my ass. Bitch Goddess Nicole- 6 Dealership- 2
The next day I arrive after work and instead of having to wait in line or sign any papers they rush over to me with my keys and have my car sitting right out front instead of over in the side lot where they normally stash finished cars. (Mind you, at this point every employee at the place knows me by name and knows which car is mine.) Damn, victory is sweet. Angelic Nicole- 7 Dealership- 2
And yesterday, on his day off, my salesman called me to check on the status of the car. Of course, it was working perfectly and I expect to have no more problems. And if there is another problem, you know they'll be hearing from me. Sweet and Demure Nicole- 8 Dealership- 2
Can you believe they thought they'd win this battle? They obviously had no idea that you shouldn't mess with a girl who's just discovered her inner bitch.
You should try it. It's quite fun!
