05-09-2005 - 6:56 p.m.
Here's a good one for the Smackass archives...
Today I'm driving along, about to make a left hand turn at the intersection of 2 very very busy roads and although it turns yellow well before I'm at the intersection, I decide I can totally make it. Needless to say, I totally ran a redlight.
Not thinking that much of it, I do a little Alicia Silverstone in Clueless "Oops! My bad!" sort of deal and go along my merry way.
I drive for a quarter mile or so and then pull into Krispy Kreme to get myself a delicious cup of coffee, because in case you've never had it, their coffee is quite fab. As I'm getting my purse together and such I glance in the rearview mirror and see that a motorcycle cop has pulled up right behind me, perpendicular to my car and blocking me in my spot. 2 thoughts go running through my mind: 1) that is the smallest motorcycle I've ever see, I think it's actually a moped and 2) why did this fucking jackass feel the need to block me in when there is plenty of empty room in this lot?
So I continue getting my phone, taking off my sunglasses, etc. and this time when I glance up I realize the copper is staring at my license plate, jotting something on a notepad, and talking on his radio. Still, I'm totally oblivious to what is occurring.
Finally, I open up my car door to step out and get me that nice steaming cup of coffee, and who is standing right there to greet me but the five-o himself. And he just looks at me kinda like where the fuck are you going? and says "Um... I need your license and registration please."
And I look at him totally confused and say... "Are you pulling me over or something?"
To which he says "Uh... yeah, well you did scare the living daylights out of me when you totally ran that red light right in front of my face back there."
Oops, my bad.
So he ends up giving me a "failure to obey signals" ticket which was much less money and didn't carry the points that my actual violation entailed. Even despite my expired-2-months-ago temporary insurance card.
So the moped police leave and I'm just sitting in my car laughing at myself for being such a moron, when I look up and see this really cute twenty-something KK employee standing at my window. And he just pretends he's just happened to be walking by and looks at me and says "Hey... aren't you Mike's wife?" To which I'm like NO. And then he makes a super smooth transition into what he actually wanted to ask me by being like "Oh... so anyways, what happened just now? Did you get a ticket? What'd you do?"
So I tell him the story, and he runs back inside to tell the whole KK crew what just went down with the cop in their parking lot. And then when I finally made it in for my much needed coffee he proceeded to chat me up about getting pulled over because apparently we now had some major bond because we are frequent vehicle law violators.
*sigh* Gotta love being a smackass.
