10-14-2006 - 5:01 p.m.
After nearly 10 months of home ownership, I finally found the time to move in!
I've been livin it up independant style for about a week now. And I have to say I'm torn about the whole thing. First off, while I felt like I'd be growing up and becoming more of an adult, I've found that living in a condo complex is really similar to college. There's always random ass people around making noise outside, you have to walk your trash to the dumpster, and you'll get a ticket if you don't park in a specific spot. My neighbors are a strange lot as well. On my right, there's an old man who's about 75 years old, can barely walk, and always has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Even while he's driving. Which is why he's always over the line and taking up about 1/4 of my parking spot, causing me to park super close to the monster truck that parks on my other side, making its steroid pumping owner none too pleased. I suppose he doesn't want me ruining the beauty of his nudie girls license plate holder or something. Classy.
Downstairs from the old man is the cat house. In 10 months of coming and going from this place, I've never seen a human being at this place. Only cats that constantly roam around outside. The parking spot is even vacant, presumably because the cat occupants can't drive. Directly beneath me is another super old person, who also can barely walk. It takes her about 10 minutes to walk to the mailbox, and another to make it back to her porch. I find it really disturbing that my two neighbors who can barely get around both drive on a regular basis. At least this woman has enough sense to live on the 1st floor. I'm still undecided whether my first 911 call will be from the 75 year old man burning down the building from his cigarette or from him falling down the stairs. But back to the old lady. She's super sweet, but on the nights she cooks it's really an effort to keep myself from projectile vomiting. I have no idea what she could possibly be cooking to give off such a horrific stench. When I presented my theory that I think she's cooking people, a friend cleverly pointed out that perhaps that's what happened to the occupants of the cat house.
On my left in the downstairs unit is the aforementioned monster truck with nudie girl license plate holder man. My most interesting neighbor lives above this man, directly to my left. He's the local drug czar. Okay, so I don't know for certain if crack dealing is his occupation, but he sure does keep a shady schedule. First off, it has to be noted that I've never actually seen him. I call him Corvette guy because I only know his car and not him. On the occasions that he's emerged from his lair while I'm home I've never seen his face. Anyways, he's home all day long. His car is here and his place is all shut up. Then, he usually leaves sometime between7 and 8 in the evening. For the record, I don't stalk this person, but his car is so goddamn loud that when he starts his engine it's pretty much one big advertisement that the drug kingpin is about to leave the building. I'm not sure when he comes back home. On the weekend when I get in at 2 in the morning, he's not home, but when I wake up at 6 for work he's already back. So... weird hours, that doesn't necessarily make him a drug dealer. It's the utility closet that's got me suspicious. When you come up the steps there's a little closet outside that holds your hot water heater and your fuse box. But it's not big enough for storage, so it's not like people would be holding anything else in there. So, when this guy isn't home, why are random ass people pulling up, going up his steps, going in the utility closet for a few seconds, then leaving? I swear, it happens. The other night, this huge black Lexus with tinted out windows and rims worthy of Nelly video came flying in the parking lot, bass pumping of course. The guy went upstairs, went in the closet, and then came jogging down the steps and floored it out of here. I was taking some stuff out of my car and just staring at him the whole time. My goal is to go all 007 one day and check out that closet for myself. Maybe I can score some good shit.
So that's my hood. Isn't life on your own an adventure?
